goldilocks and the three bitches

I am finally becoming a server at my new restaurant. This week, I have three shifts as a host. It's cool, just another part of the restaurant. Anyways, being the host is pretty easy. You take people's coats, seat them at a table not reserved, take reservations on the phone, give people their coats back, and say goodbye and goodnight. Everything is good, it is apparently a busier Monday than usual, so people are running around a bit. Then, out of nowhere, three gaudily dressed older women came in and an alarm went on in my head. *Bitch Alert* But no assumptions can be made, that's not my job (but the assumptions are usually true). They ask for a table for three and I tell them that our dining room is presently booked, but I can offer them seating in the lounge, which has the same menu and everything. The head bitch just walks past me and into the full dining room and through all the tables, I just followed her with a "WTF" going in my head. She points at the only open table in the back corner and asks me why can't they sit there, I politely tell her that it is reserved (which it was). Then Bitch No. 2 comes to me and points at the same table and asks why they can't sit there, I tell her the same thing. Bitch No. 3 just kept her mouth shut.
They then proceed to a closed section (no server there) of the restaurant. The manager looks at me and I just give a eyebrow raise that is equivalent to the shoulder shrug. The three bitches are leading me around the restaurant now. They ask me why they can't sit there, and I tell them that this section is closed.
Finally, they go to the lounge and surround a table while I put the menus down. Then some conversation later, they decided that this table wasn't good, so I pick up the menus and follow them to another table. Phew, done with my job.
You might think, these people are just looking for the most comfortable table available for their dinner. That might be the truth, but the thing that pushed me to blog about this is what they were talking about after they had their table.
All the servers saw me get led around by these cougar wannabes (cougars are younger and actually have a chance). I was then talking to one of the servers later and she asked me what those ladies were all about. I told her I had no idea and that they were just trying to seat themselves wherever. The server then told me that she heard the women talking and one of the bitches asked the other bitch why she walked in and the bitch said that she didn't believe me when I told her the dining room was full. Why the fuck would I lie to you, bitch? They were apparently bitches to the very busy bartender/lounge server too, who was just trying to serve all her tables and keep everyone happy. So this goes out to the three bitches, I hope some instant karma comes out to get you.

Jasper "photo enforcement" or what?

I need some help people. Okay, the setting is the roads leading away from Japer towards Edmonton. I am driving home and the speed limit fluctuates from 70 km/h to 90 km/h, depending on how fast the animals can dodge cars. There is only this one white truck and my car on the road, and it's a one-lane each way road. There are dotted lines where ever it is safe to pass. I am following this white truck and it is going 20 km/h faster than the speed limit, then it goes the speed limit, then speeds up again, and so on. So I decide to pass this fucker. There is an open stretch of road in a 90 km/h zone, so I decide to do it there. I pull my car close to 110 km/h and start passing the truck. On the side of the truck it said "Parks Canada" and I start to think: "maybe I shouldn't pass this truck." Then I see the driver holding a digital camera, like he is taking a picture of the mountains. The negative thoughts creep into my head again. I'm half-way into a pass though, so I just keep going and finish the pass. Moments later, I see the digital camera flash, like he took a picture of my car. Now, I think the flash was to see his speedometer and my car to "prove" how fast I was going. But it really can't prove anything, since he could have sped up to catch me and then take a picture while he was catching up a the higher speed. Anyways, if this is how they catch speeders, I'll be pissed. If this thing is for real, I'll have acquired my first speeding ticket, which will suck. Any of you go throught the same thing in Jasper or any other national park? Fuck, I was thinking about this all the way home and I am still thinking about it.

i'm afraid of americans, i'm afraid of the world

I feel like I am burdened by other people's paranoia sometimes. Maybe it's because I live at home with some conservative family members (my mom's pretty chilled though). For example, my grandma tells me almost every weekend when I work late to always look for people who are hiding in the alley when I come home. If somebody is waiting there, she tells me to drive the car to the front and call the house so somebody can open the door for me. She's basically said this to me every time I go out ever since I started driving when I was 16, that's five years of the same thing everytime I go out. Imagine.

Then my dad keeps saying how Whyte Ave is so dangerous. I work on Whyte, so I am there all the time. There are some fucktards that make trouble, but the perceived risk is definitely greater than the real risk.

I know how to give my dad some peace of mind, though. He just has to buy me a small, concealable weapon. I prefer the longbow.

pure, like dove

The Gateway has the Purity Test every year for the Valentine's Day issue. It's basically a series of questions where you get points for all the "bad" things that you do. I scored an 80, what'd you get?

i'm the teacher's pet, i make football bets

This post is a shout out to Amy. I haven't watched it yet, but it looks like she won the ULTIMATE finale for MuchTakeOver. She's great.

Like I said, she won. Now her competitors might argue that they were better at the tasks, and call it a popularity contest. You know what, it might be, but who cares!? Everyone likes Amy. If you don't like Amy, you can't like anything else in this world. It's almost impossible not to like her. My mom wants me to marry her.*

Amy, if you're reading this, congratulations! I hope to see you on TV again, hahaha.

*YFR?!? Yes, it is for real.

YFR = You For Real?

put the orange in the coke, you nut

I've had lemon Coke in Chinese restaurants since I can remember. Lime Coke is a nice change when you want some Coke with a little twist. But today, I had no lemons or limes. I had oranges though. There's something about the citrus fruits that compliments the sweet taste of Coke. I squeezed in a couple slices of orange into my Coke and it was very good. Give it a try sometime. I didn't have the Coke-coated-teeth feeling afterwards as well (which is key). Orange Coke is the shit.